Families Come In All Forms

July 3, 2010 - TIFTON GAZETTE - ANGIE THOMPSON - CNHI

TIFTON — Four siblings who faced being torn apart have now found one home, a mother and an extended web of family and friends through foster parenting, then adoption and now with matches through Big Brothers Big Sisters.

Minnie Mathis started it all and started all over. She was hurt on the job and since her only child, a son, Kensley, 32, was grown, she quickly became bored and a little lonely.

"I thought about getting trained and keeping a child in my home," Mathis said.

Mathis got the training she needed and kept one little boy while his foster mother went out of town. Then, along came Brittany, now 9. It was February, 2008.

"She came into my life when she really needed someone and I did too," Mathis said. "We just bonded and we grew closer and closer."

It was Brittany who began talking about Mathis getting her older sister, Kerra, now 14. The timing was right and Mathis became Kerra's foster parent on May 9, 2009, which is also Mathis' birthday.

"Then they double-teamed me and talked me into getting the boys," Mathis said.

Mathis took in Timothy, 11, and Recil, 7, to round out her family. Now the four share a neat three bedroom home in Tifton that is bustling with activity. The children bring energy to the home and it doesn't seem  to bother Mathis. Before they lived in this home, they lived in an apartment.

"We had to move," Mathis said. "We now have a big back yard for the kids to play in."

Mathis said the dog, "Buddy," is now a cherished part of the family. Also, the children talked Mathis into getting a pet bird.

"They tell people they can talk me in to anything," Mathis said.

Mathis said she learned in Sunday School at Fourth Street Baptist Church recently that she needed to learn how to say no. She said the siblings have tried to talk her into adopting a baby.

"That's one thing they will not talk me into," Mathis said. "I'm 58 years old and I can't see myself with another baby. My seven year old is my baby."

Mathis recently legally adopted all four children in a special ceremony before Tift Superior Court Judge Bill Reinhardt. Her pastor, Kent Johnson, as well as others from the church, and many family members and friends were on hand for the celebration.

Mathis said she discussed the adoptions beforehand with her son and granddaughter, Kendra, and both were supportive.

"I wanted my children to be happy and I knew it would make the other four happy," Mathis said.

Mathis said her siblings and the majority of her family and friends, and the community, have been accepting of her decision as an African American  to adopt and raise the four Caucasian children. Some older relatives, however, have had a more difficult time with the notion. Mathis said that she just chooses not to take the children around any negativity when at all possible.

At times when Mathis and the four children are out in public, they do get stares, Mathis said.

"When we go out, people do give us looks," Mathis said.

Mathis said they go to two or three restaurants regularly and the waitresses know them now. The biggest difference to her in this round or motherhood, Mathis said, is raising girls.

"Be careful what you ask for," Mathis said. "I used to pray for two boys and two girls. I got my children. I wouldn't give anything for them. If I had a larger house, I'd go back into fostering."

Mathis said she is learning to enjoy sports. The children are active in soccer and football at the YMCA and she learned this past season how to hop from field to field to catch the games. She said she still doesn't care much for the games, but she loves cheering for each of her children.

While sports occupies some of the children's time, Mathis felt they needed more and decided that other adults who could expand their interests and give them some attention would be good. She went to the local Big Brothers Big Sisters organization and now each girl has a Big Sister and the two boys have one Big Brother. Mathis said the matches have "been a blessing."

Kerra, 14 was matched with Kate Sandifer; Brittany was matched with Denise Gravitt; and Timothy and Recil were matched with Chad Tullos.

Tullos, 25, said that he has always liked children and that since he is fairly young, his girlfriend doesn't live here and he had extra time on his hands, he'd become a Big Brother through the BBBS program. He went through the training, which includes an extensive background check and a check of references, and was approved. BBBS personnel visited Tullos' home and asked detailed questions about his life. He was soon matched with Timothy and Recil.

Tullos umpires recreation through high school baseball games and one of the first activities he enjoyed with the boys was a game of ball in the Mathis' back yard. Then, the boys visited his home where he cooked them chili dogs he served with chips and ice cream and they all watched a professional soccer game on television.

"I watched the soccer game and they jammed out o my guitar the whole time," Tullos said. "I enjoy having the company and being able to help kids at the same time and being a role model for them. I just want them to do good in school, play sports and stay out of trouble."

While lives today are hectic, Tullos said it only takes two to four hours every week to make a big difference in a child's life. Tullos, who works in finance at Stafford Development, said Friday that he got off work at 6 p.m. Thursday and then went to the Mathis home and visiting with the children for over an hour.

"We had watermelon and sat outside," Tullos said. "We rode bikes and I hopped on a skateboard with them. That was interesting. I think you can take time out for people who need you. I enjoy it. We just talk a lot and it doesn't cost much."

Nancy Thornhill, the director of Big Brothers Big Sisters of South Georgia, Inc., said that matching Big Sisters to Little Sisters are easier than matching Big Brothers to Little Brothers. She said she met Tullos when she facilitated a class of the Tifton-Tift County Chamber of Commerce's Emerging Leaders and he was a member. She said that after Tullos went through the agency's process to become a Big Brother to one of the brothers, he gladly took both when he found out that the first boy had a brother. She said that when one of her staff members left the Mathis home, the crew was opening a recently purchased basketball and playing with it outside.

"I get goose bumps. This is so what we are about and, sadly, so rare a story for us these days," Thornhill said. "It's harder now to get volunteers."

Thornhill said that it is difficult to put into words or to show anyone just how strong an impact BBBS has on the children as well as the adults involved.

"We don't have a facility where people can come and visit and see what we do," Thornhill said. "You might never know when you are watching one of our matches out in the community because they look like any other adult and a child having fun together or sharing an event or activity. Sometimes the most important things in people's lives are moments and relationships that others never are privy to and the results are life changing in ways many of us never know about."

Thornhill is used to the agency she directs having tough times. The program depends on three sources of funding - special fundraising events, donations and its United Way allocation. The agency doesn't charge for any services and is not funded by local state or federal money.

"The service that we provide is unique and has been in Tifton for 30 years," Thornhill said. "I feel it is taken for granted. If we are not able to keep our organization going, there will never be a Big Brothers Big Sisters program again in South Georgia."

The criteria for re-starting a BBBS program has changed. Now, Thornhill said, a community has to have a population of 300,000 and a three -year operating budget in the bank before beginning again.

"People need to support this program now or we risk losing it," Thornhill said.

Mathis said the BBBS matches with her children have been a blessing. She trusts the program or she "wouldn't let her children go" with their "Bigs." She wishes that more adults would consider fostering, adopting or being a Big Brother or Big Sister to community children who need them.

"They didn't put themselves here," Mathis said. "There are so many children out there who need us. My wish is that more people will go into it. We don't know what these children will become. God showed me that these children need somebody. I'm not doing anything. This is a journey and I know God is going to take care of us."